It’s a well-known fact that life doesn’t always pan out like you’d hoped. So it’s always good to have a back-up plan. Do you see where we’re going with this? Royal Navy engineer Ellis Lacy gave X Factor his best shot, but when he didn’t make it to the finals, he decided to try his *hand* at penis pump reviews. Although we’re pretty sure you don’t need a degree in engineering to operate one of those. 

And, there’s an ENTIRE SERIES. Make sure you watch all six episodes as you’ll wanna know how it ends…

We’ll include them all here for your convenience, although to be fair, they are a bit *long*, so you may wanna skip a*head*.

We caught this photo on DNA’s Feed, and decided to open up the question to our readers too… We’ve seen Cavill’s bulge in that superman suit before, but never in that much HD. We reckon it’s a fake, those balls look like they’re about to burst!

VOTE BELOW!

Zachary Quinto and his model boyfriend Miles McMillan make one cute couple – that’s a fact. But thanks to his fella’s full frontal spread for Purple Magazine, readers got a glimpse of why the American Horror Story actor is smitten with his younger man (well, one of the reasons at least).

CLICK HERE FOR THE SPREAD

[H/T: Instinct]

Daniel May. Never has anyone been so desperate for fame since Katie Hopkins – although even we don’t believe that she would sink as low as to lie about an attack. Daniel May first caused controversy when he appeared on First Dates and made comments regarding his date Paublo who was admitted that he liked to wear high heels. May then went on to do an interview with GuysLikeU where he made the bold statement that “camp men make him embarrassed to be gay”.

We blogged the ridiculous comments, and told a queen where to sit (on our stiletto, whore). Daniel was clearly obsessed with the media attention surrounding him, sharing and retweeting every article speaking of him – even the ones that shaded him and his glittery ensemble. Desperate to drag out his 15 minutes, to an extended 20, May claims he was attacked near his home in Bromley by two men in their late-20s.

Honey, not being funny, but if somebody attacked you they probably wouldn’t have done it half-arsed. So, was May crying wolf because although he loved the media attention, but he disliked being so hated? Well queen, that’s the price of fame thirst. May posted pictures of a whimsical bloody nose that looked like he’d merely been scratched by a cat. I mean, who hit you? Edna the elderly woman from next door with her broken wrist? For all we know, this could’ve been done willingly in his bedroom as he openly admits he likes to be thrown about in the bedroom. Not only that, but May never actually filed a police report, and skimmed over the sketchy details in his interview with Attitude magazine – who seem to have now removed the article.

The media picked up this story, calling the attack “violent” and “vile”. Girl, please, hold my earrings, I’ll show you violent. Following this, screenshots surfaced on social media claiming to show Daniel May ADMITTING to causing the injuries himself, with “things [he] found in his kitchen”. Wasn’t hardly a steak knife though, was it? WEAK.

Since then, May has claimed that the account was fake. Babe, nobody has as much free time as you.

So where from here? WELL, he’s even hashtagged #MostHatedGay in a bit to get into the Big Brother house… let’s be real, even if this twat does make it in, she’ll be long forgotten a week after she’s voted out in week 2. And it seems that as aggravated as the public are, that May would lie about such a thing, people are rapidly losing interest in his vapid desperation… So he grabs another messed up gay clucking for fame, to double their publicity. ENTER: Jordan. The boy who spent “thousands” to look like Kim Kardashian. Great job, hun. Money well spent.

Apparently these two banged. I don’t know what’s funnier, the thought of them two actually shagging, or being that desperate for attention to concoct this story. Firstly, Daniel can’t date a man in heels, but he can shag a bloke with a dinghy for lips and scousebrows on steroids? Bitches, you think we’re dumb? Secondly, as if Jordan Kar-krash-ian is the “best shag ever”. There’s more delusion between these two than the entire cast of TOWIE.

And while I’m sitting here blogging about the catastrophe “couple”, honestly he best thing we can do, is to stop publicizing them, and hopefully they will disappear from our computer screens forever, seek the help and validation that they need from a councillor – as quite frankly, we should feel sorry for people with lives emptier than their misshapen collagen cock-catchers.

This time last week, Kanye West seemed to be the only male with a relationship to the Kardashian Klan that hadn’t endured some serious form of hardship; aside from the initial moment of having digits up his rectum. Appealing publicly on Twitter, West asked Mark Zuckerburg to invest in ‘Kanye West ideas’ — girl, if he’s seen your fashion range, I think we all know those ideas aren’t worth a penny. But as the issue circulates online, speculation escalates as to whether the men involved with the world’s highest profile family can expect nothing other than misery. Let’s reflect on the past incidents…

Rob Kardashian

Rob was once Kim’s kinda cute brother. The one that you’d bang after a few drinks, because he was nice enough and fit in the right lighting… Regardless, Maleka could never bring herself to ride her bezzie’s geeky bro. He’s probably packing, but spends to much time on XBox to know what to do with his actual joystick. Then we gradually saw him less and less. When Rob finally emerged, the world was wondering how he got out without knocking through the front of the house. The pressure of being surrounded by cameras 24/7 had left Rob as a recluse; shying away from the spotlight as spending more time with his friends on Mario Kart, and deep-throating chocolate fingers.

Bruce Jenner

OK, so perhaps the motivational sportsman no longer exists… But he did. And while he seemed like a positive and happy surgical mess of a middle-aged man, very few people knew of the inner turmoil he was suffering, as he hid his real identity as Caitlyn. And while it seems that the world welcomed her and her fabulous transformation with open arms, Caitlyn hasn’t arrived in the spotlight – or on that Vanity Fair cover – without criticism; let alone without a driving ticket. At the time the media zoned in on her transition, Caitlyn had been learning to drive with false nails and sent an old lady to her death in a tragic car crash. Luckily, she narrowly avoided prison… as there’s no Zac Posen couture on the Block, love.

Scott Disick

It’s well known to the world that Scott has countless addiction problems. In fact, it’s quite rare to see an episode of KUWTK where he isn’t chugging Whiskey out of a showgirl’s punani in a tacky Vegas nightclub, before backslapping her and pounding the slot (machines).  It’d be no surprise that he’s dragging a hoard of fame-hungry whores back to his room for a group orgy before shitting on the pillow and leaving the maid a $5 tip to clean it up.

Lemar Odom

Khloe’s husband and legendary basketball player was the most recent to be hit by the Kardashian Kurse when he was found dosed up to his eyeballs on cocaine in a brothel. Out of all of them, he sounds like he had the most fun, anyway. Odom was airlifted to hospital in Vegas, where Khloe resided by his bed. Fortunately, the sportsman made a recovery against the odds; although he’s now left with a brothel bill bigger than Kylie’s lips. Still not as big as Kanye’s debt though.

Tyga and Kylie are permanently on-off… Tyga better leave before he’s on the doll and off the charts. Kendall, honey, you wanna escape unscathed? Be a lez.

If we saw some white bitch with pink braids and grillz, parading around in their pants and vigorously flaunting their tongue, we’d have thought we were at a Miley Cyrus concert. Alas, no, it’s just Berlin-based rapper Candy Ken. The eccentric rapper certainly knows how to grab attention… Only this time ain’t nobody looking at the gimmicks, they’re ogling the goods…

Banging body, we’re just 100 on the golden teeth (that looks like terrible dental hygeine) and scary contacts — imagine sleeping with someone up in all that costume… Now you know how the Bride of Chucky feels.

It’s the champagne-drenched, cocaine-sniffing, caviar stuffing, TV-to-film adaptation we’ve all been waiting for! And while there’s still approximately five months until Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie hits our cinemas; it’s all about the hype. Hence, why Edie and Pats sipping cocktails, as they holla over some blokes is getting our juices flowing. And honeys, you know this is just the calm before the comedown.

Hopefully Saffy will still be standing frumpily in the kitchen while they annihilate her existence.

[H/T: Attitude]

“Well, that’s why you’re still single!”

Just like that. A stranger that I’d been talking to for all of five minutes had just underpinned why I’m 26 and completely boyfriend-less. And it had nothing to do with writing a trashy sex blog. Of course the conclusion had arisen from that question girls love to ask gay guys; ‘what kind of guys do you go for?’

Erm, the wrong ones? The one’s that always get back with their ex anyway? Fuckboys? Basics?

Seeing the look of total discombobulation on my face, she attempted to simplify her question; ‘what’s your ideal man?’ I suspect she was expecting a generic celebrity comparison like Tom Hardy or Channing Tatum, instead of the “adrenaline junkie, stoner” that wanted to escape my mouth. “Erm, someone that kinda looks like a bad boy, but acts like a good guy…”

Bitch nearly sprayed her white wine spritzer all over me. “Well, that’s why you’re still single!” She suggested. “That doesn’t exist!”

Oh… Well that explains a lot. But it’s more than just having the bad boy ‘look’, it’s something about how he carries himself. Men tend to either be too nice, or behave like total wankers, rather than have that ‘impossible’ combination of both. And it’s truly problematic because these two types of men are bipolar opposites – so to find a man that exerts attributes of both – let alone the right quantities of each – is extremely rare. Let’s be honest, how many hunky tattooed blokes do you know that behave like gentlemen? I’m gonna take a guess and say you won’t need that second hand to count them. But it’s a more common ideal than you might think.

The good guys tend to treat you well, but leave your lust for excitement unsatisfied. While the bad boys might thrill the knickers down to your ankles, but they’re too busy texting thots to hold your hand. I’m not saying he has to open doors for me, I’m not retarded, but I don’t expect to be scalded if I tell Aisha that works at Nandos that I’m having a water, but really I’m having a Diet Coke. And I’m not saying he has to rob banks either, but he’s gotta be able to hold his own.

If you can’t handle the bants – get out of the kitchen. 

So what is the perfect combination of good/bad qualities? Predominantly we want the good guy; romance, monogamy, and respect. But there has to be some element of bad boy; cockiness, confidence, independence. There’s something to be said for a guy that can have whoever he wants, but only wants you. And you may think that surely, having a good guy outweighs this yearn for someone that keeps you on your toes, but they really are just as important as one another. Why do you think there’s millions of idiots that keep going back to the bad boy? The excitement of rough sex overrides the pleasantries of pulling out chairs.

So do these men actually exist, or are they just a fantasy? But more importantly, if not, where the fuck they at?

If you said “inserting a purple vibrator up his bottom”, give yourself a pat on the back! 

People still waiting for him to man-up and sit on a real dick though.

Last week, we reported that Ryan Reynolds does show dick, in a full-frontal fight scene… But until you get yo’ ass down to the cinema, or await for us to hand them to you, he’s keeping the thirst trap alive with these GIFs from on-set of the much-anticipated film.

Reynolds recently said on the Ellen DeGeneres show: “I’m not above taking my clothes off for money”.

Fear not, we’ll have them for you soon.

Ever thought to yourself, “I’d love to be a fly on the wall behind the scene of The Dreamboys shows…” Well, this probably just as good.

They’ll also be joined by newbie stripper and Celebrity Big Brother winner, Scotty T. Good shout, guys! You know we love a D-lister that has an aversion to whipping their cock out. The audience might even get a live show of his antics on CBB. The new line-up was announced via snapchat:

Where Scotty is joined by geordie fave Gaz, Lotan Carter and the other lush lads. Gaz also posted a shirtless selfie to commemorate the reunion:

World renowned photographer Terry Richardson is infamous for his graphic and frequently controversial photos… But this time he’s in front of the camera, not behind it. And it’s him without any clothes on. The image that popped up on Twitter — and has since been deleted — depicts Richardson in full glory. Richardson, who has shot the likes of Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Paris Hilton…. oh wait, basically everybody, apparently loves a selfie as much snapping celebs.

CLICK HERE FOR THE **NSFW** IMAGE

Adam DeVine, known best for his role on Workaholics has spilled the tea on Zac Efron’s manhood. The pair previously worked together on the set of DeVine’s sitcom on Comedy Central, where Efron interviewed for a job by getting out his goods… If only it was that easy to get a job in the real world. But while DeVine and the co-worker never really got to see Zac’s peen, DeVine confesses to pursuing the quest on the set of their new picture, Dave And Mike Need Wedding Dates, which sees the two of them in some VERY tight lycra (although we’re sure with plenty of substance, skimpy outfits is definitely not the only reason anyone is going to see a Zac Efron movie).

“It’s a very handsome dick”, he revealed to Daily Mail Australia, “it’s just as veiny as his arms”.

We’re sure you’ve already seen the glimpse the world got from the trailer of Bad Grandpa, but just in case…

And if you missed the Workaholic guys thirstily oggling Efron’s dick, that’s here too:

He may only be 20 years-old (yes, twenty… fuck we feel old), but Attila Toth is already proving he has what it takes in front of the camera (and in a pair of tiny, tiny white briefs by Garcon Model). We bet brand photographer Brain Jamie couldn’t wait to get the fresh-faced lad into them — though out of them would’ve been preferable. At 6’4″ and shoulders broader than most doorways, even the Greek Gods would be feeling insecure around this kid… Toth may have won the DNA lottery, but with these shots you can consider you day a win, at least.

[H/T: Fashionably Male]

Regular readers will know that the closure of gay saunas has often been an ongoing debate across our platform, and late last week, the Starbucks of saunas – Chariots – closed another one of their branches, this time in sophisticated metropolis, Streatham. After 20 years of sleazy fumblings with perspiring overweight men who’s chest hair is styled with lube… It really is the end of an era. Where will the closeted unattractive men of South West go for a sweaty slap and tickle now? But, more importantly, how will gay culture survive?

This follows the heartbreaking news that the Shoreditch branch of the high-class establishment will also be no-more as of later this month. One reader of the Gay Star News tells of his gut-wrenching experience, and no it wasn’t the time he got fisted in the sling. He told GSN: “I went there yesterday at lunchtime”, hmm, we’re going to assume Subway was closed, so he went elsewhere for a 6-inch snack to fill his hunger.

“There was a big white van outside taking away all the towels”. Cut to slow-motion footage of the witness, silently whaling and clutching his pearl necklace.

‘The manager was there and he told me that staff were only informed last Friday that the land had been sold and the venue was closing. I think they closed Sunday.He said they were all shocked and that he’d had regulars turning up and some were very upset to hear of the closure – some were in tears.”

STOP IT. Tears?! Wonder if they’ll hold a candle lit vigil outside the venue to mark its influence on the community. Gaggles of queens laying down bouquets of anal beads and floppy dildos.

“I’ve had friends texting me, people who went regularly, who are really upset. I’ve supported the place for the last 15 years and am very sad to see it go.”

Imagine:

You’ve “supported” it? Love how this one’s preaching like she was donating to a charity for fifteen years and not paying to zombie-stumble around in the pitch black clutching for dick. If it’s that important, I’m sure you can grasp the concept of the app store.

If it hadn’t shut, perhaps that’s what you’d have been doing for the rest of eternity – maybe this is a sign for you to go get your life. Or what’s left of it. If he injected as much time into a hobby, as he did leering and having sex with strangers, he probably could’ve been as big as Adele. Instead, he’s whispering “Hello, from the other side” through the glory hole.

There’s numbers of articles about how we’ve swapped real life for likes, talking for tweets and our friendships for Facebook – and it’s fair to say that technology and the evolution of gadgets has had a massive impact on our life; our dating one particular. It seems we’re drowning in a sea of apps, designed to help you meet the One, but may actually only be hindering the entire process. 

Most views raised on the matter will state that it’s because people socialise less and swipe more, are happy to ‘favourite’ but hate to flirt, and would rather stare at a wink on a screen than make eye contact in real life; and while that’s all true, there’s one valid point that is frequently overseen. And that’s what happens in the actual process of forming relationships with people we meet through technology. 

It’s about the translation from real life to smart phones, and all those relatively important things that get lost in-between. All those things that make us initially attracted to someone beyond how they look that you can’t get or gage from an instant message. 

We’re judging our potential partners based on a 2-Dimensional representation of themselves. Which, unless you’re dating Kristen Stewart’s acting coach, isn’t really good enough. We’re deciding whether to swipe left and never see them again based on five pictures and a very small list of common interests, and mutual acquaintances. At what point can we be turned on by their accent, drawn to their mystery, or floored by the sexual tension? Is a handful of photos, and a mini-bio with their height and sexual preference enough to determine whether you like someone? Maybe, for some, it is. 

I believe it’s hard enough to meet someone that you have chemistry with in real life, but it’s definitely a lot easier when it’s actually present. For example, somebody that you don’t have much of a rapor with online, you may get on like a house on fire in each other’s actual company. But of course, it works in reverse too, sometimes you can feel like you have this deep connection with someone, but when you meet, something just isn’t there. Quite simply, communication through type, can be a very far cry away from who people are as people, not profiles. 

It demonstrates the importance of actually meeting, and sure, you arrange dates as a second step to see how things progress – technology is just the initial link you may think. But what about all the guys you’ve dismissed because they’re photos weren’t in good lighting, or they didn’t get your message and you thought they were ignoring you. 

By introducing this middle ground that allows people to connect without being in the same place at the same time – how much ‘connecting’ are we really doing? Basically, the App store is often not an accurate representation of who people are in real life. The same way that people’s who Facebook statuses annoy you, but you can chat to for hours in a bar; technology has altered not only how we view other people, but how we portray ourselves. 

Even the most genuine people have online personas, and it has nothing to do with being dishonest, it’s quite simply that different social hubs ignite different styles of interaction. You wouldn’t use online slang in a face-to-face conversation: 

“just going toilet, lol, brb, order me a vodka”. No, hun. 

To get the best out of dating in the modern world, it can be beneficial to realise that unless you’re in someone’s presence you’re seeing, at best, a slightly skewed version of that actual person, and at worse – someone totally different. How do you think cat-fishing happens…

The office parties are awkward/boring/cringe enough, we all know that the only way to get through them is to get absolutely shit-faced. Unfortunately for this guy, during his Beyoncé-style split, so did his trousers. Thankfully, his co-worker was Snapchatting the entire thing… Gotta love social media. Though we think this ensemble is a bit too revealing… even for Casual Fridays.

People that complain about TV adverts have way too much time on their hands as it is, that’s bible. But last year’s most complained about advert was Money Supermarket’s harmless hotpant-clad and high-heeled strutting down the street, to Pussycat Dolls’ Don’t Cha, before giving Sharon Osborne sass.

The Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) received over 1,500 complaints. Is it not astonishing that there are that many people who found this advert “overtly sexual”? But if it’s Nicki Minaj or another package female product of celebrity twerking, it’s OK. What exactly is so offensive about a man’s legs? *Eye roll* — flashback to the Disney drama. You know that the people who complain about this kind of “overt” sexuality, are the ones who put condoms on their men to give hand-jobs.

The ASA overlooked all of the complaints though, in favour of the uptight tossers lupehole – which means that people using their landline in the middle of the day – in between eating Quavers and watching Jeremy Kyle – to whinge about a bloke wearing heels and batty riders are rendered irrelevant; and therefore have just wasted a little bit more of their already useless existence. The complaints were divided into two types of callers, jealous women that can’t walk as well in stilettos, or get away with shorts that short, and men who look like the actor and can’t handle the bants around the water cooler.

A response to Barrett Pall’s GURL PLEASE: Are we fighting a stereotype or perpetuating one?

Dear Sister,

Firstly, why do you feel so strongly about being stereotyped? Why is being a stereotype a bad thing, if beyond that, you are a good person? Who, above all, is being themselves? As you plan on writing a book (lol) and understand how “powerful” language is, I assume that you read your article over and over again before posting it, and have considered the weight of your words. And while you’ve attempted to say them as politely as possible, (including the obligatory meaningless ‘I love to make bold statements, but please don’t troll me’ update), I’m sure you know full well that what you are inferring is that gay men behave in a way that may be unnatural to them, so as ignorant-minded people don’t stereotype us. Let’s not act a certain way so that bullies don’t laugh at us? Why don’t we all just step back into the closet? I’d rather they kicked my head in while I slayed the routine to Britney’s Stronger.

If you want to start something progressive, as you claim, then attacking the colourful language used by your fellow gay men is not the way to go. The best thing we can do, is to encourage gay men to be who they are – stereotypes included – and drown out the homophobes, the uneducated bullies and prove that gay people are equal, no matter how they speak. In your concerns that we are not representing our “diverse community” properly, you’re asking that we conform to traditional ideals and ‘proper’ language; where is the diversity in that?
You’re right though, we’re not sisters – or brothers – so why don’t we all stop acting like it, and leave one another to fend for themselves? What exactly is the problem with brotherhood, when it only brings positivity into our society?

It’s ironic, of course, that you believe that our slang doesn’t represent a, “smart, ambitious and successful” community, when your opinion piece doesn’t represent a single one of those things. In fact, you’re quite the stereotype yourself. The stereotype of what you appear to dislike; an attention-seeking gay man. Just in a far more brazen form that even you realise. If it is being stereotyped and taken seriously that you are worried about, why don’t you a) tackle something other than harmless slang, and/or b) put a fucking shirt on?
Has nobody told you that people with trout pouts shouldn’t throw stones? I mean, don’t you model jockstraps with bleached teeth and a quiff as high as that horse you’re riding; and you wanna run your gums about stereotypes? Hun. You might as well be spraying this bullshit from a go-go podium in West Hollywood.

But regardless, banter aside, I wouldn’t hate on you for that. If you wanna show off a body that you worked hard to get, then good for you! But you do perpetuate a stereotype – it just doesn’t bother anyone as much as it allegedly bothers you. Which would suggest that your issues aren’t with stereotypes at all, but rather with femininity. Slang terms like “gurl/sister/she” are only the tip of a very camp and stereotypical iceberg floating in the sea of the gay community – so how do you feel about mannerisms? Clothing? Pop music? Are you against everything that could cast us in a stereotypical light to the wrong person, or is it just language?

Baring in mind, that many gay men use this language as form of expression; it represents happiness and gratitude – to be able to act a certain way in public and not be judged because of it – well, unless you’re in the room.

I understand that you’re not that (if at all) fabulous, but your blog post is insulting to those of us that are. HEY, GURL. It’s hard to see why you are hating on terms of endearment when there is still so much hate left in the world? Your personal problems with effeminate slang does not require an article, you will not start a movement, you are the one who needs to open their eyes and realise that what you are saying isn’t progressive at all. Rather than asking the gay world to change, perhaps you should be teaching yourself to accept.

Even the notion of ‘stereotypes’ existing is an old one. I may use them in a humorous way from time-to-time, but in the real world, I don’t see stereotypes, I see people. The fact that you are worried about being seen in a certain light only demonstrates that you still have some catching up to do. The issues which you have raised have absolutely nothing to do with other gays and their language, but rather yourself and this Masc 4 Masc fantasy, along with parts of the world that still don’t fully embrace homosexuality; so I suggest you start there.

Finally, that symbol of a heart you are making with you hands, represents love – reread your post and ask yourself how loving it is to criticise gay men for being themselves?

Kisses,

Anthony Gilét
(VERY fabulous gay)

You can see the original post it HERE. 

On Monday (Feb 21st) we reported that sauna-goers CRIED over the news that Chariots Streatham branch was closing.

We jokingly asked, if they were going to hold a candlelit vigil with bouquets of anal beads and floppy dildos. If only we knew. The reality was far less tame. Vice reports that crowds of gay men did hang around in a carpark in Shoreditch – and they weren’t cruising. In fact, they were gathered to cast a Shaman’s curse on the property developers destroying the venue. BIBLE. Babe, I was joking. I didn’t actually mean for y’all to congregate in the freezing cold to protest the closure of London’s largest Roman Spa. Which, ironically, is probably grimier, even though the Roman’s hadn’t invented bleach or any other cleaning product. (Soz, but bit of Febreeze wouldn’t kill anybody).

I thought vegetarian animal rallies were severe… Albeit these activists encourage putting meat in your mouth – it just goes to show how passionate people feel about a bit of rump.

A green-cloaked Shaman calls the gays forth, to “banish this evil from time and space”. Imagine: And then out scurries Donald Trump in a loin cloth hiding his face with his combover. The Shaman then throws the magic potion (a mixture of glitter and semen) onto the ground. Much to the disappointment of the other protesters who were waiting on their knees, mouth agape. Just kidding, they were drumming and chanting – because – what else do you do at a spell-casting, flare-flagging ritual curse. It was like Midsummer Night’s Dream, if it had been written by Elton John.

One of the perfectly-sane participants states, “We’re cursing the descendants of these property developers to be queer for 13 generations – only for us to be queer is a blessing – so this is really just a blessing on this space, to make it sacred.” Right. OK, then. Can someone get Maleficient on the phone, they’re not doing it right.

ActUp activist James Johnson goes to demonstrate how this is another example of greedy monopolies are pushing out unique LGBT venues, as well as low incomes, and artists. Agreed. While I disagree with large corporations overtaking quirky and queer spaces at the click of a finger, not sure you can place a sauna in the same category as artist’s studios. Unless they’ve changed the curriculum and cock sucking is now a creative talent. Gosh, Uni would’ve been a walk on Hampstead Heath, if that was the case. Keep me updated, I’ll totally go back and do a Masters if so.

Another activist Dan Glass goes on to explain that Chariots is a “sanctuary” for “poor people”. Please. If you can afford 20 bar entry for sex, you’re hardly broke. Secondly, when Esmerelda cried sanctuary outside the church doors, I don’t remember the priest handing her a bottle of poppers and a towel as he welcomed her in.

After a while, one of the managers comes out as asks the guys to wrap it up – we assume he meant the protest – as the drumming was scaring away potential customers. After all pounding is one thing, but drumming is another story. But after seeing some of the sights in Chariots, I doubt they scare easily. But I ‘spose it’s just the initial shock, like shining a headlight on a racoon when it’s scavenging through the bins.

Jamie McCarthy, a Chariots “devotee” (I can’t), claims they provide a place for elder gay men to socialise. Although considering there’s The Old Ship, Molly Moggs, Admiral Duncan, to name just a few, we assume he means to get laid with ease, and without judgement. At the end of the evening, all the protestors trotted off the The Glory, because even they would rather go elsewhere.

Fair play to the little people standing up to the property developers, I just hope these people aren’t too blinded by the orgasms they’ve received to see (or even consider) the negativity that is part of the package which saunas offer.

[Image Credit: Vice]