We were all entertained earlier this year when a gay porn scene went viral as two guys bummed “right in front of my salad?!” But it has to be said that gay porn as creative expression, sucks, (pun intended). We’ve rounded up some of the silliest sex scenes you’ll see in the humorous world of gay porn.
Dick Stuffed
Have you ever seen that prank where the guy buys his girlfriend a giant teddy bear, and then after hours of being slumped in the corner, it starts to move? Well, this is kind of like that… Only the ‘giant teddy’ looks like a twink drowning in a one-size fits all fancy dress gimmick, (aka: exactly what it is).
But hey, Cliff Jensen buys it anyway. Naturally, now seems like an appropriate time to have a wank. Only for Jensen to be totally shook when the man in a flimsy cotton onesie starts moving.
The most ridiculous gay porn scenes EVER – Dick Stuffed. pic.twitter.com/sjADhsbvM2
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017
Click here to see MORE stuffing here
Am I Being Stalked?
“Do you ever feel like you’re being watched? You know somebody is there… But you can’t see them.” Even when they’re at the foot of your bed squatting behind a malnourished Ikea pot plant…
Ridiculous gay porn scenes: When you're a human chameleon pic.twitter.com/tncfh3bHH5
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017
Click here to see the MORE breaking and ‘entering’
Pizza Boy
‘Pizza or sex?’ may be an old favourite in a game of ‘would you rather’, but at Men.com there’s no sacrificing your love for either, as this greasy porno has them both. Firstly, you’ve gotta commend the pizza boy for rocking up two hours late and still trying to charge him for a cold delivery.
Secondly, yes, yes he did just wipe that boy’s butt with a slice of pizza. Don’t get us wrong, the daddy is hot, but we ain’t using mozzarella as lube for no man. It’s one thing to get cum stuck in your chest air, but pepperoni on your butt cheeks? PASS.
Ridiculous gay porn #5: When you order a meat feast and Pizza go-go take it to the next level… pic.twitter.com/OPVLJUPC7T
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017
Click here to see the FULL delivery
Crazy For Cock
You know when you get 5 months deep into that dry-spell and all you can think about is dick? Well, this might be what you’d look like if that dry-spell went on for a few YEARS. Race Cooper is cuckoo for cock (think Christina Ricci in Black Snake Moan), although Jessie Coltor’s the one that looks like he needs to be exorcised when he’s penetrated by that evil spirit (stick).
Note the award-winning dialogue at the start: “It smells like you washed your ass today”.
Ridiculous gay porn scenes #4: When you haven't had dick for 3 days. pic.twitter.com/E0DnKIBx75
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017
Click here to enter the Asylum for the cock-crazed
Getting a VJ
Don’t you hate those annoying sales people that go real extra for the sale; this one invites himself into a couple’s house, before showing the husband the vacuum’s suction skills. (Yep, that’s what VJ stands for). They say three’s a crowd, but not when you’re having a menage-a-trois with Henry the Hoover.
Thankfully the husband’s become a master of disguise at hiding things from his wife… including the salesman bent over the sofa.
Ridiculous gay porn scenes – When the vacuum salesman REALLY sells the product… pic.twitter.com/6A01CIe1xc
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017
Click here to see the FULL suction sales pitch
Desperate Househusband 3
After the househusband’s boy-toy sneaks in through the bedroom window while his wife’s away, sodomy ensues. Only for the damn maid to just waltz right into the bedroom like she owns the place, not paid minimum wage to pick the socks off the floor. Naturally, it makes more sense to sit on the end of your employers bed to fold the clothes, (airing cupboards are a government lie).
Obviously she doesn’t notice the rampant bouncing of two 160lb queens while she works. And, of course, the two adulterers couldn’t wait half a minute for her to finish. Really? Right in front of her laundry?!
Ridiculous gay porn scenes #3: When the maid is so into her chores she's oblivious to you fucking the gardener. pic.twitter.com/zrzRZ2T0tY
— Cocktails & Cocktalk (@cocktalk_blog) October 20, 2017