I’m in a relationship with a guy who I love very much. I’ve known him for over two years and we started to see each other early this year. My problem is, I still want to talk to my ex, who was my first everything. Yes, we had our problems, but I loved him very much and I hate that I can’t speak to him. I don’t want him back, I just want to be able to talk to him and have catch-ups. I miss him so much, even though I’m happy in my current relationship and he’s happy in his.
He contacted me last month, wishing me luck with some exams and I replied. After that I blocked him because I knew if I didn’t tell my boyfriend we’d messaged each other, he’d kick off. The other night I unblocked his number, but I’m worried about contacting him because he will tell his boyfriend who will probably tell mine. This will cause loads of drama.
I’m finding it hard and confusing because my ex means so much to me. Is it possible for ex-partners to become friends and only friends?
I just want to be in his life and for him to be in mine, that’s all. What should I do?
Hi Hung-Up,
Well, it’s the age-old question: can you remain friends with an ex without getting hurt – or at the very least getting drunk and ending up balls deep in regret? Most people would rather just burn their house down and move on. But there are times when people break-up and the respect remains intact meaning that they don’t spend the rest of their life trying to make them jealous over social media.
But I’m intrigued to know exactly, why you “can’t” speak to him. Is he deaf? Are you mute? Or has your jealous man got you locked in a tower? If it’s the latter – you better start growing that weave, dear Rapunzel. The only debate here, should be that if it’s possible to still be his friend with all of your history, not because you’re new bloke is gonna throw his toys out the pram. So, let me get this right – your ex boyfriend’s new boyfriend is friends with your new boyfriend? GAYS. How’s that for 69 degrees of separation? Y’all more incestuous than an episode of Game Of Thrones.
You should definitely have a conversation with your current guy before getting in touch with the old one – if he wanted a snakey bitch, he’d have dated Phi Phi O’Hara. Tell him you miss the friendship with your ex – but stress that it’s strictly platonic. He may be OK with it; he may even unlock your shackles long enough for you guys to grab a Nandos. Understand though – that there are lines which shouldn’t be crossed, and you have to respect him too. So a few texts here and there, and the odd lunch date are fine – but, no two-hour phone calls, no boozy dinners in dimly lit restaurants, no exchanging of bodily fluids.
If he does “kick off”, then you need to kick him to the curb. Regardless if the dick good, and the apartment big – if he doesn’t trust you, there’s no point continuing this charade. If the drama queen wants to get loud, call her a “basic rebound” and sashay away wearing her Rolex. Listen honey, I’mma keep it 100 – who’s hotter? If it’s your new man then what’s his problem? If it’s your ex, then girl – why would you downgrade?
With regards to your ex, it’s definitely possible to remain casual friends with a casual ex-lover; it’s done every single day. Could you imagine how uncomfortable it would be walking around Soho if we couldn’t? Half the city would be filled with an awkward silence. But what you’re asking sounds more like staying close friends with your first “everything”. And that’s a different kettle of cock altogether.
The thing with making contact with an ex, is that it’s a slippery slope. One minute you’re reminiscing about that restaurant with the amazing Linguini, and then minute you’re chowing down on his meatballs. Just like Lady & The Tramp after their messy divorce. But, realistically you’ll probably never know until you try.
Later Tater! xo
